We are cookies.

Warm and toasty, we make you feel good inside.

We like everyone and everyone likes us...we can be many different things...we can be:

Cosmic

Festive

Foreign

We can even be...spooooky!

Don't be scared, we won't eat you, you can eat US!

And who does not like eating us??? Everyone likes eating cookies!!!

Little tiny people like to eat us!!!

Friends who work together like eating us!

People who sit alone like to eat us!

In fact, there are even more people that like eating us!!!

Even gay funboys like eating us!!!

So do...

Lesbians, and that's lovely because they hate everything!

We are even loved by monsters!!!

This is Cookie Monster. He loved us so much...we miss him...

Cookie Monster would eat us all day long. Everyone knew he liked us a lot. When he ate us he could not control himself...he had cookie crumbs all over him. He ate us throughout the day, many times he would eat a cookie in the morning before he even ate breakfast. Sometimes he would hide cookies throughout his house or secretly eat them on his lunch break, even though his co-workers could smell us on his breath when he came back...

Finally one day his boss said "Cookie Monster, you have a problem and until you admit it and get some help, we can not be your job...you are fired."

Cookie Monster looked for a job but no one would hire a 7 foot tall guy who was covered in hair. Eventually he found other 'Jobs' he could do for money. But not before some bad stuff happened...

Like losing his apartment...it was only a sock hung on a wall with some other people he knew, but still, it was his home and now it was gone, all because he spent his rent money on his habit.

He also lost a lot of weight...even his friends noticed now...

Cookie Monster was out on his ass. "I needs to finds me a job yo..." he said to himself. No one else could hear him because they were all at a birthday party he was not invited to.

And he did find a job, but it was not very good...

That's right, he had to turn tricks for a living. Mostly he just let little kids feel him up for quarters. So he did indeed find a job...a HAND JOB!!!

He also modeled plus size lingerie on the side.

Sometimes a trick would turn nasty...the kid would want more than Cookie Monster was willing to give...Cookie Monster would say "No" but since he was on his own and there was no one to protect him, the kids would often take advantage of him. This was also known as being "Alley Whipped.

"This stinks" Cookie Monster said...

"I am tired of this and I am going to change things for the better. I am going to make a difference in my life and I am going to make things good for me. And he did.

He got himself a pimp. Johnny Ricardo was his name and turnin' ho's was his game. Ricardo was good to Cookie Monster, he never "Trunked" him for mouthing off, he never "Reverse Bottle Jacked" him for coming up a little short, and most of all, Ricardo looked out for him...

He also jacked all those sorry mofo's who disrespected C.M. back in the day...

The end.

Created by Zachary Helm...unless you are part of Sesame Streets legal team, in which case it was created by someone else...

Visit my personal website at http://destined.to/deadstars