How much does she weigh? I don't know...never had her weighed up, I would assume somewhere in the vicinity of 8,200 pounds.

 

Do the wings cause problems driving? No, not at all. They weigh about 300 pounds and are approximately 120 feet of steel, but it did not really affect the gas mileage nor the cars handling, even when cornering.  

 

Do you get hassled by the cops? Sometimes. Usually they are very cool and just want a look, but a few times I have run into ones that are a little too officious.

 

What type of paint did you use? The cheapest possible semi gloss black paint in spray cans. I have experimented with just flat black primer as well, but semi gloss outdoor furniture paint seems to work the best and looks less crappy after a few months.

 

Where did you get the idea? See the influences page for that!

 

What type of music do you listen to? A little of everything...my main love is industrial like Front 242, Stromkern, Funkervogt and Nine Inch Nails, however, I am not one of those Goths who only likes one type of music. Right now in the Winamp mix is Tom Jones, Greenskeepers, the Eels, Cornelius Brothers and Sister Rose, Devo, Richard Cheese, Amduscia, Laibach, Peaches, Forbidden Dimension (Great fucking band, they are about NOTHING but horror themes. Google them...to lazy to post the site) Johnny Cash, Wayne Newton, The Offspring, Revco, S.P.O.C.K., and Seabound. 

Also, GOD MODULE KICKS ASS.

 

What other complications do you have with a car like this? Most of the problems aren't what you would think. Most reactions I get are positive, but the real issue is that there are times when I just need to go get gas, or groceries, or I have to deal with the surly, barely educated people at Kinko's because the jank ass printer I own is busted again, and I get two or three people who want to ask a ton of questions about Alexi. I am never rude, but I have found that people don't seem to recognize that I am involved in a task that, while somewhat pedestrian in nature, is still something I need to do and I don't have all day. 

Another problem is other motorists. People tend to check the car out, but they love to do it in my blind spot, which is a blind spot the size of Ray Charles' existence. Since people do this, and no one seems to be able to see normal turn signals anymore, I installed 50,000 candlepower spotlights on the rear side near the Terminal Ports that I use as turn signals. They effectively get the point across that I will be changing lanes, and anyone in the lane when I get there will be pushed out of the way. 

I also get a lot of pictures taken. For the longest time I could not figure out why people kept driving by and holding their phones out at me, then finally one day I realized it was people with their camera phones. Incidentally, if anyone out there has pictures of me on the road, email them to me at funkerzac@hotmail.com if you would be so kind.

 

What else are you going to do? I have plans for a huge ass bumper, then I am moving to interior designs which I have plans for, but have not initialized yet.

 

Are there plans you had that you could not do? There is nothing I couldn't do, but there are things that I decided against. I considered a series of 18 foot hooks that would swing forward from the back of the car on huge spring loaded pistons that would be capable of impaling another car so that I could get snag belligerent motorists, slam on my brakes, have them trapped, and then beat the ever loving crap out of them. Another series of these hooks would spring from the sides to assault people who walk across the street without even ever looking at traffic. Seriously, what is with these people? It's always highschoolers it seems, and they always have this swagger, you know, the "I did my badassercise this morning and it shows" walk that is meant to convey the message that they are NOT to be messed with. Anyway, I figured that I would not only be amusing myself with this device, but I would be providing a valuable lesson in life, assuming the targets survived, namely, look both ways before you cross the street because whether or not you think your the biggest badass in 5th grade social studies, you can get be-smackered by a big fucking car either way. These never made it to the final design because I knew I would end up using them and it would not be a good thing...well, for the other people at least.

Another consideration was sealing all the doors except for the back casket area door and making the drivers compartment only accessible by a roof hatch . Here is the idea behind this-

It would look cool to pull up someplace and climb out of the roof. The other reason was that I tend to give a lot of rides to goth girls. Goth girls tend to wear short skirts, and as the driver I would have to get in behind them, and get out first at any stop, which means that I would be seeing a lot of goth chicks in skimpy dresses climbing ladders.

I decided to bury this idea for a few reasons...one is that in winter it would drag a lot of sludge into the car. It also dawned on me that aside from wearing short skirts, another propensity goth women have is near constant complaining and I would have to listen to it while they were on their way in and out climbing a ladder while wearing platform shoes or high heels and I am just not up for that kind of suffering for my art. 

 

I bet this is the only one like this... Nope. Several others exist in some form or another in the art car community. Check out my influence page listed above, or hit up http://www.carthedral.com for examples.

 

I wish I could do something like this. This is one thing that people say that perplexes me. Don't wish. The fact of the matter is, if you want to do an art car, or anything in life, go for it. The only person who can truly stop you is you. Yes, there is the question of whether or not you want to deal with the other complications that come from doing these things, but you know, the best way to avoid a midlife crisis is to actually do what you want when you are young so you don't have to look back with regret. If it's too late and you are already middle aged, then start today. Do what YOU want, not your friends, not your job, not what the bitches in the homeowners association want you to. 

 

 Got any pointers for someone who wants to do a car like this? Hell yes I do. First and foremost, choose a GOOD car. A lot of people will tell you to get a cheap piece of shit to do a project like this, well that is what I did with my first Alexi. The car was $600 and it was the biggest pain in my ass EVER. I paid for buying a cheap base vehicle. Get a quality vehicle that is NOT completely rusted and get one that is mechanically sound. If you don't you will end up doing it all again in a few years. 

Also, your first urge will probably be to tear out the cloth interior to make it match the cold metal exterior. DON'T DO IT!!! I did this and it sucked. I replaced everything with galvanized steel sheets which were by far very cool looking, but bitch ass cold in the winter and scalding hot in the summer. It made the car uncomfortable to drive in every season. Take my word and just leave the cloth interior because even though jagged metal will look tougher and cooler to passerby, it's YOU that has to ride around in the fucking thing, and you will be thankful for the comfort, or at the very least miss the hell out of it once you've done away with it and it's too late. 

 

The car started out more militant and now seems to be going in a different direction, what's the story? Originally when I started Alexi there was a lot of anger in my life. There were several situations that were really disrupting my mindset and as such I found myself doing more things to make her menacing. Whenever I do something on her it is because I need to bring a feeling into physical form, the car follows however I personally feel. At the time I wanted to express anger, aggression, avarice and a few other emotions I don't think they've come up with words yet for. Now I am more relaxed since a lot of situations have changed for me.

The wings were a result of being bitch ass poor. I have not had any money to do anything nice for myself for over 3 years now. The closest I have gotten to splurging on anything has been buying myself a pair of $13 slacks, which is just the suckiest thing, so I decided fuck it. I was going to spend some money I did not have and make these. In answer to the obvious question, am I still bitch ass poor, yes I am, which is why you should go check out my writings and spread the word that I need a freaking publisher.

 

Ever have the urge to use the flamethrower in traffic? The answer is a resounding YES, but Stormtrigger (the flamethrower) is not permanently attached to the car. First off, the flame would extinguish at any speed above about 10 miles per hour. The other reason I don't keep it attached all the time is safety. In all actuality, the chances of the car erupting into a fireball as a result of the propane is not that great, but the real danger is just the fact that the tanks are under pressure and shrapnel would suck if I were in an accident.

 

Do you dress like this every day? Yes, with the exception of times I am welding. Sometimes I use only goggles if it is light welding, but if I am doing it for any period of time I use a full mask and put my hair down to avoid flash burn.