Back at Ground Zero, approximately 1194
Back at Ground Zero, approximately 1194
Anna and I
ACTION!
My distant cousin Ezekiel from Lancaster
He works hard and he prays hard, brother.
Absurdly shitty hairfalls that I made for the purpose of mocking people who
think that wire, tubing and six pairs of goggles make you look good when you go
to a club. Read the
article HERE
Mike and I flexing for the camera. No, it's not a Photoshop, there actually
are goths with muscles.
Dressed up for our Super Troopers party
Maple syrup chugging contest with Rich!
French fries and gravy! Canada eh? Almost made it.
Me dressed as Link from the Legend of Zelda for our newest movie. If you are
interested in seeing any of the SORP Films, go to our Youtube
channel
Another one of me in costume, this time as intrepid reporter Kip Kunster.
The big ass motherfucking snowstorm here in Colorado. Basically we ended
November with this crap and it lasted pretty much until about February with
weekly snowstorms. It was un-fucking-real.
Through the night
The next day
Amber and Liz helping dig out the hearses. The only good thing about the
snowstorm was being snowed in with two hot goth chicks.
Amber, initiating a totally unprovoked attack
It makes me sad when I have to ruin my girlfriends shit, but sometimes as a
man you just have to put your girl in her place. I think I read somewhere they
like it when you do that.
455 pound coworker
Where is your god now?
Click this picture, you will be glad you did!
Finally, since you made it all the way to the end, I am going to favor you with the pictures I think it goes without saying you ALL hoped I would post...pictures of...
MY COCK!!!!
Behold, the Womb Cannon 2.0!
Notice the kick ass lightening bolt. This not only looks cool when I whip it
out, but also makes it appear that sexy, flesh colored lightening is striking
your vagina repeatedly as I hammer you to an earth shattering orgasm.
I also added a couple of spoilers, the same kind you see on shitty import cars
to make them appear faster, as though a Honda is going to miraculously achieve
escape velocity and the only thing capable of keeping it on the ground is
another 25 pounds of steel. Anyway, I figured they could really add some flare
to my crotchal region. White girls who are easily impressed tend to like this
aspect. I had a tachometer with one of those big orange lights on it for a while
to in order to keep track of my RPM’s but after the third one I installed
exploded from my sheer manliness I decided it wasn’t worth it.
Now, I hear you saying “But Zac, what good are all these additions when you
are making sweet, sweet love and the lights are out? No one can see it!”
Well, not only are you completely wrong, your mother is an ugly whore, because I
have already thought of this. Stand back as I activate my neon undercarriage
light kit (available at Pep Boys)
Not pictured – Lo-Jack security system (nothing sucks more than waking up
one morning and seeing your nuts sitting on a couple of cinder blocks because
some filthy minority stole your johnson)
I briefly considered adding a Northstar system so I would always know where I
was and never need directions, but then I thought- Why the hell bother, it would
be self defeating since the answer is obvious: Any time my cock is out, everyone
in the room is in Pleasure Town, who needs directions!?