Alexi as of 2008

Yes, it really does that.

A lot of people end up here because they see me driving around Denver and want to know what the story behind this car is and what type of a person would be driving her.

Alexi is a 1971 Superior Cadillac endloading hearse that I purchased for $800 in South Dakota. She is actually the second version of Alexi, there was another hearse that I built into an armored hearse with wings, but that hearse turned out to be such a pain in my ass that I scrapped it after about 4 years of trying to fix it. 

A complete gallery of my construction of Alexi and her background can be found by following this link

This is my everyday driver car, I do have other cars but they are all hearses too, so I don't really have a 'regular' car in the traditional sense. My economy car is our 1981 Superior Cadillac 3-way hearse, my fast car is our 1964 Oldsmobile, so yeah, those concepts are all relative when your cars weigh more than 7,000 pounds a piece. 

A lot of people ask me why I built her, and there are two reasons really. The primary reason is that I entirely believe that your adult life should be spent getting all the shit you wanted but couldn't get as a kid. I seriously mean that. What the hell is the point in me working 8 hours a day, paying bills, paying rent and all the other suck ass things in life if I can't do whatever the hell I want? Screw what people think, screw worrying about other peoples opinions. Other people aren't paying my rent, I am so fuck em. I don't think everyone should dress the same, I sure don't think everyone should be a radical goth either, I think people should do EXACTLY what makes them happy. If there is one thing that I would hope anyone would take away from this page and what I do it would be that people would walk away thinking more about what they really want to do with their life, what goals, no matter how small or frivolous they may be, they want to achieve and that they would be inspired to move towards those goals. 

The other reason is one that I have struggled with, and it's the thing that screws with every artist alive. It's the fact that if I didn't do it, it would bug the ever loving shit out of me. I do a lot of art in various forms, I write (mostly humor) I sculpt, I weld, I make cars, and I make movies. Pretty much any artist that is worth anything is plagued by the question "Why the hell am I even doing this?" especially when none of what you are doing is really yielding the results you want, or you are seeing people who are making art that sucks getting far more recognition and success (a good example here would be the people who make an insipid video of them getting kicked in the nuts and all of the sudden they have over a million hits on their video on the internet and USA Today beating down their door)

This is probably the reason most great artists go insane. Van Gogh didn't  have to put up with the internet, but if he did I am pretty sure he would have gone fucking nuts a few years earlier than he did.   

As for me, I do a variety of things. I would highly encourage you to check out my videos at If you like questionable humor then you will like them. You can also check out my writings on Live Journal at I was also the co-founder and am the current Lifetime Dictator Supreme of the Denver Hearse Association / which hosts Hearse Con every year as well. 

Lindsey and my girl Amber with Alexi.

Lindsey and Amber during the Frozen Dead Guy Days parade in Nederland. 

The new pinstriping on Alexi

Alexi looking slimey, actually though it's just ice because I just HAD to wash the car that night and it froze. Fuck it, we looked fabulous anyway. 


Hearse Girl Josie on the hood. 

Outside of Fort Collins

This was a sled that I constructed for the sledding meet in Columbia Cemetery a few winters ago. It looked awesome but as you may have guessed weighed a shit ton more than I really felt like lugging up the hill, as such I did one run with it before I decided I didn't want to haul it up the mountain again. 

The FAQ has also been updated with information for those interested in building their own Armageddon vehicles! 

This was an old van from my work that I used as a Halloween display last year. There was a fog machine and several purple lights inside giving it a radioactive glow.

Between the flamethrower and the radioactive van, I had the police and fire department called on me 4 times. No ticket though. In all honesty I think it's because the cops in my area really lack the motivation to even attempt to figure out what laws I am breaking at any given time. I mean, who the hell thought to write a "No rocket launchers/flamethrowers on hearses" law in their municipality? 

The view from the roof during the parade.

Amber, Alexi 2 and I.

Setting up. I spend most of my time doing this before big events. 

For other questions concerning Alexi that you may not have found the answers to here, go check out the FAQ



I seem to be getting a lot of questions on the flamethower as of late, so to answer these questions (which all basically amount to "How do I build one of those?" I created a page for it.  Click here!

My girl Amber, posing with Alexi.


One piece of advice before you leave here...

You have three options for the state of your existence. You can be at peace, at war, or a slave, and those are your only options. 

There are few, a very fortunate few in the world, who are at peace. They are happy and content with what they have and don't spend their time worrying about the next big thing, or what to do with themselves. They aren't stressing about things, and you know, if you are one of those people then good for you. You've got what you want and you're in a position most people who make millions of dollars a year will never be in. 

There are slaves...most of the time these people tell themselves and others that they are happy and content, but there is something eating at them, something they want to do or wish they had done. They're unhappy with their position in life, their jobs, their lovers, their friends, their personal appearance and/or bodies or everything else that they have. Sometimes it's hard to tell they're unhappy at all, but deep down they really wish they had something else but they are not willing to take a risk or deal with the damages they would incur to get what they want. 

Lastly, there are people at war...these are people who fight for everything they want. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don't, but they never readily accept defeat until it is the last option and they have fought the good fight for it. Unless you are totally happy with every aspect of your life then this SHOULD be you. I say a lot of things in my life, talk a lot of shit, but the one thing you'll never hear me say is "I wish I could do that, have that, etc" because I just make it happen. 

"Easier said than done!" is something people like to say to me when I tell them this is how I feel. Damned right it's easier said than done! Getting what you want and more importantly BEING who you want is hard fucking work, you take a lot of losses, you deal with a lot of shit and frustration, but none of the problems you will encounter will surpass that of laying in your death bed realizing you didn't do half the shit you wanted to with your life. Screw what your friends or strangers will think, go to war for everything you want and make it happen. Go to war with anyone who tries to stop you. Go to war with what you're supposed to be doing and engage in what you want to be doing. 

And as always, check out my other writings. I need a high paying job as a journalist who is given an absurd salary to sit around and write observations on what I think is wrong with everyone but me on the planet... click here

Back to the main page


Special thanks to Wyenet This site, has been hosted since 1999 by their servers. If you are looking for pretty much the damned best host server on the internet at the best price, visit them at and let them know where you heard about them.